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Individuals with these negative personality traits often cause toxic relationships.
By Nancy Carbone — Written on Apr 16, 2019
How do you know the warning signs of a toxic relationship?
Sometimes, it's hard to tell. However, there are a few negative personality traits that are red flags of toxic people.
Those with toxic and negative personality traits can lure you into a false sense of security and then destroy your self-esteem.
In toxic and unhealthy relationships, the victims are often convinced that the problem is them, so they end up taking on board the negative criticisms of a toxic lover.
It can be confusing when you are blamed to be the problem or told that you have all the issues.
You may be in a relationship with a toxic person but are not even aware of it.
When you love someone, you can overlook the warning signs of a toxic relationship.
Toxic partners can be deceptive, on the surface they can look perfect. But, often this is because it is easier to shut off from what is really happening, in order to avoid facing what is really going on.
Here are 8 negative personality traits of a toxic person that can lead to signs of a toxic relationship.
1. They are envious or jealous of you
Do you have a partner who acts polite but underneath they have envy and hate towards you?
They may be secretly competitive or comparing themselves to you. Do they feel pain when you are successful or happy?
Many who feel unsatisfied with their life will hide how disappointed they feel when others have success or share good news.
Toxic partners feel inadequate and cover up by smiling, not say anything or comment on something negative to minimize their disappointment, to prevent the hit to their self-esteem.
They feel like a failure at other peoples success and it highlights how they've not met their own expectations.
It seems unfair that others have done better, its a competition or a race to be best.
You cannot rise above them or they will crush you with destructive envy.
They feel misery for your happiness and may attempt to bring you down to lift themselves up.
2. They criticize or devalue you to rise above you
If you're in a toxic relationship with someone who suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder, they can feel pleasure when they put down the success of others, by defeating them or making devaluing comments so they can rise above them.
So, they do not feel inadequate, they end up criticizing others in order to pick themselves up.
They inflate their self-esteem to convince others of how good they are.
Since they feel superior, they openly disapprove others.
3. They turn the problem around and make it your fault to cover their actions
Toxic people blame others for their mistakes and find ways to cover up their actions so they're never at fault.
They will find a way to turn the problem around to be your fault.
They avoid the humiliation of shame induced judgment, so they distort the truth and avoid taking responsibility to cover up their mistakes.
They do this by finding fault in others, whom they blame for their shortcomings.
They lost their job because their boss was threatened by them, their ex-partner was the crazy one, they cheated because you never gave them sex when they wanted it, you're told that you should get over issues and not bring them up.
It is always the other person's fault and they're perfect.
4. They push their view to prove they're right but never consider your point of view
You may be falsely convinced that they are always right, but they seek admiration when others need them as the expert for advice.
They always know better than anyone else, feeling above others.
When they see others as beneath them, they feel special and it takes away the deflating pain of the empty self.
5. They use you for their own agenda while discarding or bringing you down if you expose them
These toxic lovers pretend to be Mr/Mrs right in order to lure you into a relationship, in order to seek admiring supplies but will discard you or devalue you when their needs are not a priority.
They may even spoil your happiness or success, or talk you down.
You are simply there to give them something they need, such as approval, money, sex, love, support.
After a date, you may not hear from them unless they need something from you.
They pretend to be interested in you as long as they're getting something from you.
Sometimes they just want someone to admire them or inflate the ego when it's deflated.
Other times, they stonewall or withdraw to avoid exposure of not being perfect. So, no one discovers who they really are.
They feel good by promoting themselves and focusing on themselves and acquiring others in order to achieve their aims.
6. They portray a false persona to mask who they really are
Those with toxic personality traits can charm you into a false sense of trust and security in order to pull the wool over your eyes.
Yet, the toxic relationship feels empty and vacuous since the toxic person cannot reveal anything about their true nature or expose themselves.
They will tell people what they want to hear, and mimic what they need, so they can obtain their own objectives.
The truth will be revealed when they are unable to be emotionally available for the needs of others.
7. They have no empathy or no remorse
They have no empathy or remorse for how they treat people because they feel they have the right to behave in whatever manner meets their own needs, with no regards to others.
When others fail to serve their expectations, they justify cheating or having affairs.
They portray themselves to be kind or pretend to have empathy so that people are there to give them what they need.
You are only wanted if you serve a need for them. Otherwise, your feelings do not matter.
8. They see everyone through their own behavior
Toxic people project their sense of inadequacies onto others, by finding things wrong with others or finding fault in them.
They are delusional and see everyone through their own projections, distorting the way they see others and relate to them.
They see others like them, the part they hide.
They accuse others of cheating, being useless, being selfish or a fraud.
You will be attacked or insulted for things that do not represent you because that's how they see you.
Before you enter a relationship you should know the warning signs of a toxic person.
If you're in a toxic relationship you can learn to not take on board the criticisms, but see the person for who they really are.
If you're in a toxic relationship, you might notice that the toxic partner had parents who were envious and criticized or humiliated them, so they covered their real self.
Some were told they could do no wrong and the world re-evolved around their needs.
They will not take ownership and see the part they play in relationship problems.
They will feel crushed when issues are raised and turn it back on their partner by attacking them or criticizing them.
The partner of a toxic person often feels beaten down and gives up, feeling they're wrong. Many lose themselves completely and sacrifice their own needs and wants.
If you detect the warning signs you're in a toxic relationship with someone with these personality traits, you have to be careful taking on board negative feedback, which may not pertain to you. Your self-esteem can be diminished.
If you can separate yourself from the abuser, you can protect yourself from destructive envy or toxic abuse.
If you see the person as wounded, you can learn to let go of blame or feeling at fault for things that are not your fault.
If you cannot assertively express yourself or raise issues because you get abused, then perhaps you need to consider why you allow yourself to be in a toxic relationship and find out how to have self-love within yourself.
If you identify these toxic personality traits that are warning signals for a toxic relationship then perhaps you need to do something about it.
Nancy Carbone is a relationship therapist who trained in the Treatment of Personality Disorders from the International Masterson Institute in NY. She overcomes stuck relationship patterns. If you want to break the cycle of toxic relationships contact Nancy at Counselling Service Melbourne.
This article was originally published at counsellingservicemelbourne.com.au. Reprinted with permission from the author.
